There's a learning curve when it comes to finding yourself single again after a long period of time. Considering that I was essentially coupled up from the age of twenty on, my learning curve feels more like uncharted territory. There was zero part of the me from five years ago that thought she would be doing this phase of her life alone, but here we are.
There are two types of single women. (Okay, okay, there are probably many more than two types, but bear with me for the sake of efficiency.) The first is always searching for a partner. Her life feels unsatisfying and paused, waiting for someone to come in and make it whole and meaningful again. The second is content. She'd like a partner, but doesn't need one to give her life purpose or substance. She creates this for herself.
Phrased this way, obviously one sounds better than the other and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't judgmental of the first. But the truth is, I can relate to both. Why anyone enjoys my company has always been a bit of a mystery to me. Most days, I find myself uninspiring at best and loathsome at worst. Facing a life with "just me" feels equivalent to all my preferred friends having plans and being forced to hang out with the one awkward acquaintance I have nothing in common with. What can I say? Self-esteem has never been a strong-suit.
Even if I didn't foresee life looking this particular way at this particular juncture, I am acutely aware of the price that was paid to get here. If nothing else, I'll be damned if all that it cost was in vain. I don't know if or when I will find a partner again. Honestly, for the amount of magic, timing and circumstance to align for true connection, its a wonder any of us find each other. What I do know is that I want to choose a life of fullness, authenticity, wonder and excitement regardless. And that means I'm going to have to get out there and live it.
I have never taken a trip on my own and because seeing Joshua Tree was on my bucket list as well, I decided to kill two birds with one stone. I set some parameters for myself for this excursion to keep myself accountable:
One, I had to eat out at a restaurant by myself.
Two, I could not just stay inside the hotel room and watch Married at First Sight or something as equally mind-numbing.
Three, I would stay off social media for the trip (I was like 80 % good on that one).
I got a late start on Thursday night after work, so I found myself driving to an unfamiliar part of the desert in the dark. Since no fewer than four people had worriedly warned me to be careful when I told them that I was heading out alone and my road trip playlist was essentially just crime podcasts on binge, I had bitten off most of my fingernails by the time I turned onto Highway 62 towards Joshua Tree. Realizing this, I switched up the audio to something a little more fitting and a lot less stressful.
I arrived at Spin and Margie's Desert Hideaway about 9:30pm, settled in and spent what was left of the evening safely star-gazing from the yard beside the bungalow.
I awoke the next morning to the cutest little desert property! I highly recommend this place if you're ever in this neck of the woods. Instagram-worthy photo-ops at every turn! But since I was off social media, I spent the morning writing and listening to the birds.
When it came time to check number one off the list, I headed into the town of Joshua Tree and found this cute little restaurant along the main drag.
After about a 30-minute wait they sat me outside directly next to the entryway. So we're going to do this in the most conspicuous way possible, I thought to myself. I ordered what turned out to be the most delicious sandwich I have ever had and guess what: eating at a restaurant solo is not such a big deal.
The rest of the story continues in part two...
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